She gets down sometimes

I'm not sure what it is lately, a combination of I don't feel like it, and why can't I just get anything done? I have struggled with anxiety and depression for a really long time, and some days I just can't seem to get past my self. There is never anything physically standing in my way. There isn't alway pain or discomfort, just this feeling in my chest and my gut, making me choke up if I try to look at what is going on. I'm tired of running through my life scared. I feel completely crippled and helpless to even address my own needs at times. I can't even always tell why. I'm scared of numerous things and I desperately want to leave them behind and avoid them, but they are ever present and that behavior won't help anyway. I feel like even though I've come this far, there's this lump of things tied together and I can't seem to untangle it and straighten it out. 
The biggest issue is my finances. It seems complicated to me. Not because I don't understand finances, but because I understand just enough to know that I am in a situation that is completely beyond me, that I have no idea of how to address. I spent the first two decades in a job and lifestyle that I didn't need a degree for. I gained valuable and applicable experience. When I moved to California from Ohio, I tried to stay in that career, but I didn't have the right paperwork so that I could do the same work here. It's not that I suddenly forgot any of the skills that I have learned, just that there aren't the right papers for them to put in their files saying that I can do it. Without a job, the money and time required to get all those things in order is non-existent. 
I decided to go back to school, but barely 10% of the credits I have received in other educational institutions would transfer toward a degree, and I was forced to sit in classes that were redundant to me and held no educational value whatsoever. Many times the classes I was forced to endure were taught by people with no motivation to keep up with current information or events and disseminated loads of inaccurate information to students lacking the discernment to know otherwise.  On top of the educational inadequacy, there are serious administrative issues in most schools that I have attended. Maybe that means that I have bad taste for choosing my course of education. I don't know, but if I have this much trouble getting where I want to go, it makes me ask the question; Does anyone else suffer this way? I have student loans that are now around 85Gs. That's too much. Too much to not earn a degree and too much to risk getting a degree that is useless when I graduate. I can't even imagine what I have to do at this point to make those loans a good investment. 
In addition to the school thing, I have come to realize that I have had enough of the grind of regular unemployment. The way I see it, it doesn't work for me. I have had over 20 years at this point of working for somebody so that I can just get by. I have worn my body and my heart out, and now, I just want something that I can be fulfilled by. Something that shows the good in the world and something that can pay the bills too. 
I put in my time. I've cleaned up innumerable messes with any combination of human fluids you can imagine. I've watched more human agony and pain than the majority of people have in a lifetime. I've brought life onto this planet, and I have been there so many times when lives ended. 
I feel like I have paid my dues, but at the end of the day all I am left with is a broken heart, humbled spirit and without enough money to know that I am going to be able to eat through the next few months. I know I'm not alone. 
I look around my neighborhood and I see people worse off. The turnover for housing here is monthly. Nobody can settle in and stay. They have to keep moving just to keep a roof over their heads. It's unsettling, especially knowing that there were good times, but the people that are here now, won't see them again for a very long time. Not the way things stand right now. 
People all over are feeling hopeless and powerless just like me, and we'd all fight our way out of these paper bags, but they're the only protection some of us have from the rain of pepper spray and rubber bullets. 
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change the way I feel. I watch all the contention and fear in my fellow humans and realize, they don't know what to do either. 

Flexi's Medicare and Insurance Rant

I get so tired hearing about cuts to Medicare and how in order to sustain it we have to somehow reform it. There is only one way to fix and sustain Medicare, take it out of the hands of the insurance companies. 
Insurance companies are the trolls under the bridge. They take more for themselves and profit off of denying our aging populations claims. We need to take all the useless bureaucratic jobs created over the last ten years and retrain them to administer and maintain Medicare, it's budget and it's compliance. We need to have clear lines of coverage and no room for huge profit making. 
The working public paid into this system, it is mandated and it should not be handed off to the vultures to meat out to the public. This situation is salvageable and can be managed correctly. I am sick of the bullshit excuses from our politicians who are in the pockets of all the biggest scam artists on earth, insurance companies. 
This leads me into the next gripe I have which is the mandated insurance coverage. The insurance companies stand to gain 45 million more clients with the implementation. Then they get to refuse to provide birth control forcing a population surge that the whole public has to pay them for. 
This merry-go-round of money making has to stop. It is killing us quite literally. While unemployment skyrockets, insurance companies hold billions over their required securities and no entity has the right or will to force maximums on their tax exempt holdings. Every claim is backed by a hedge fund that only garners them millions more in holdings each quarter. 
The more people become unemployed and enrolled in the govt. health programs, the more the insurance companies make. No matter what happens in our economy an insurance company is making money. Michael Jackson dies before going on tour? Massive insurance claim. Probably through a hedge fund, or it could have been an outright policy, but somebody made money. Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston, any high price entertainer that dies while in the middle of a project, somebody gets a boatload of cash. Makes me want to be small and uninsurable for the rest of my life. 
The solution and alternative to the insurance coverage is to give all people the right to have Health Care Saving Accounts that are not administered by insurance companies, but instead by the IRS. There's more jobs for all those useless government research sector employees who need to be retrained as productive citizens. Clear rules about covered procedures could be as simple as, who you paid for the care and what their covered status is, i.e. I go to JC Penny and I see the eye doc and I buy my glasses, I save my receipt, it is covered. No endless clauses and exceptions, just clear, and tax exempt. Instead we are constantly subjected to someone else's judgement call about whether what we are having done is a.) necessary or b.) covered. 
Since there are no consensus among insurance agencies about what should and shouldn't be covered, and other than a few glaring examples, the government has been at best unwilling to step in and define coverage, the IRS seems to be the logical choice. They would be unable to be influenced in the same way that regulators, politicians, and our world leaders have been by insurance companies. They would also have to give equal Constitutional consideration to all taxpayers. No more of the bullshit of corporate moral fantasy. The only participation corporations would be entitled to in the pursuit of their employees health needs would be the percentage of their monetary contribution. This would also save them from the fines that can now be levied on them by the IRS for non-compliance.
The IRS could also introduce a new tax bracket to allow people to come together in co-operatives to participate in their chosen kind of health care. 
There should be no imposition of titles such as "alternative health care" because all care of the human is personal and all people should be allowed the dignity of choosing the appropriate measure of care for themselves. 
The local communities need to be given back the reign of the care provided in their borders. Corporations that are in a community must be expected to give back to the health care system in the places they inhabit. 
It is no secret in 2013 that these businesses use many times the resources that the individuals in the community do, and the exhaustion of those resources make them unavailable to the people who live and survive there. They must be expected to participate in restoring the imbalance they are responsible for or they must be forced out. Where they will not comply, opens up an opportunity for someone to come in who will. Businesses failing is not new. Bailing them out is. 
Speaking of the bailout, does anybody remember what the company did that caused this whole mess we're in? 

Many people have asked me, where do you get your news? I always tell them "Everywhere!" That seems a little non-descript in hind sight so as a challenge to myself, I am going to share with you the sources that I look at and at times my opinion of them. All the links are to stories that I have read. Many times while reading one story, I find another on that page that interests me and that may lead me somewhere else and so on. 
Information is as addicting as any substance I know of. It makes you smarter and more critical of what is going on. A friend once told me, always consider your sources. Find at least five of them on the same subject, then ask yourself "why do they want me to know the things they are saying?" After that use what you know, and decide for yourself what the truth of it all is. I am always open to hearing new ideas and alternative perspectives. We are all on the same planet, yet we see things so differently. I want to be aware about the why's. There are so many things that are kept out of our collective consciousness and I feel that by becoming more informed and educated about how things work in this world that at least I can make my life experience my own.
So it's Black Friday today, the news says. I just shake my head. I can't stand crowds and I am not celebrating any commercial holiday.  I see all those people that are so happy to be shopping and then look at the ones that are all intense and angry. Some have camped there for days like here! And then some refuse to allow tents. I've been hearing about the fights breaking out, and that somebody used pepper spray against people in the crowd injuring up to 20 people. It was over an XBox.
I have to admit that made me wonder what kind of crime they are going to charge her with, because that will be useful to the Occupiers out here that need to level charges against the OPD and now the UC Berkeley PD. 
In Occupy world... The local powers surrounding the movement lately have made a big deal about the health and safety of the public and the protesters. But when the Occupy Oakland group tried to have some Porto potties delivered this is what ensued. Thanksgiving Thugs.  For today, the group has planned some early holiday festivities to keep them out of the cold and mostly away from police. They are calling for a "Lack Friday." This move has inspired the "Tea Party" to sponsor their own "buy cot Black Friday"
 in an attempt to bolster the flailing banks all over the world. Somehow they actually think that giving money to large corporations will somehow bring jobs back to our communities. Not surprising these are the same people still promoting Santa Clause to young republicans.
Things are starting to heat up with several countries surrounding sanctions threatened against Iran on the suspicion of their having a nuclear facility. Russia is being made out to be the bad guy in this one and I suppose we will find out eventually if that's true. But it seems that this issue is a case of Fine! We don't wanna play with you either! The thing that really stands out to me is that this is almost 2012 and supposedly we've been supplying them with information that we weren't obligated to provide them with since at least 2007. Go bureaucracy! Not saying that Russia isn't frighteningly more and more involved on the wrong side of politics, Just that our tolerance of their actions might mean a serious disaster for significant parts of out planet. Our own citizens are at risk in this. 
The Drug War has claimed more victims. Wonder how many of the weapons being used to execute citizens are coming from the ever mysterious undercover op know as "Fast and Furious?" I know, I know, don't do drugs and then people won't kill you right? I wonder if you've ever taken a prescription med from your doctor that included some kind of pain medication? Or maybe an antidepressant? Guess the thing that gets to me is that in one way or another a very small group of people is having a big influence on our overall life expectancy. 
Something that brings out my survival girl side are stories like this one. Knowing that our water supply is something that has to be purchased is bad enough, but finding out that whole communities are running out, makes me think I need more barrels so I can be prepared for shortages longer than just three days. But then when I see stories where our government is using molehills to enforce cyber security? And I think, maybe I shouldn't limit the ways I use my common sense and where. 
In case you were wondering, if you find radiation in your yard, you should not contact G. E. about it, (They make most of it) they won't come take it back. 
In case you need holiday shopping ideas but are short on cash, here's a way to leverage other"resources" you might find lying around. I wish that more people would consider gifting time or skills and maybe resources. Those kinds of things would bolster our communities and our families in so many different ways. Consider what this world could be like if we did things like time banking. All in all we have many more resources and talents than we often give ourselves credit for. Maybe we'll figure it out. Till then, Be Well my Friends~

Occupy Oakland and the whole Occupy Movement

This past week has been absolutely fabulous for me. I have so much feeling going on about it and as usual so much to say.
Since it began back on September 17th on Wall Street, I have been watching with rapt attention to Occupy Wall Street. Even before then, I have been watching other movements loosely gathered together and thrown at us by the MSM (Main Stream Media) as the "Arab Spring." I have been fascinated by the emergence of people suddenly realizing that our very lives have become unsustainable due to a situation that has to be corrected. There isn't any letting the system fall down as if it will go away. That is silly thinking. We can and we will fix these issues. What I see that we cannot do is continue to ignore them or take anyone else's word as to what is causing them. I only took a couple of the following pics, there were many brave photographers taking most of these shots. I tried to stick to photos that were taken while I was watching the same scene and at the same time.

On Tuesday, my hubby and I headed down to the Occupy Oakland rally that took place the evening after the Occupy camp at Oscar Grant Plaza was raided in the early morning hours by Oakland Police officers.

 The meeting was being held at the library on 14th and Madison. We got off at the 12th street BART and walked to the meeting along with an SF Occupy protestor who was coming to Oakland from another rally. She told us that her daughter was in jail in San Jose from a raid co-ordinated at the same time and in the same manner as the Oakland raid had been. We heard similar stories out of Atlanta, Baton Rouge, and Austin, Texas.

We got to the library as the meeting was starting and there were a few people milling around and it was very peaceful but it was tense. People began talking about what was happening during the Occupy and how they were upset that such a peaceful and rightful protest could be brutally usurped by people who were supposed to protect them. The woman with the cream scarf, tie dyed shirt and brown down jacket is homeless. She spoke telling us about the attitude and generosity of the occupiers. She talked about being fed, and that people listened to the things she had to tell them and treated her for the first time in a long time, like she mattered.

As she was speaking two news helicopters showed up and we began using the call and response system in order for as many listeners to be able to catch the messages. Next sirens were heard coming from all directions and the intersection above became a mass of officers in the streets on foot and half a dozen motorcycle units. They didn't stop where we were, they fanned out to strategically planned areas that they believed would protect the plaza from being retaken.

We found out later that there were over 500 officers brought in for this "riot" and that it cost the city a few million dollars. Sadly enough, at the time they were violating people's human rights to protest, the city council was voting to shut down 5 schools in the city for a 2 million dollar deficit.


After a show of force by the police we decided to march. Some wanted to take back the Plaza, but more of us wanted to take the protest to the streets to raise awareness and encourage others to join us.

Many military veterans that were with us, wanted to talk to the officers, explain to them that they didn't have to just follow mindless orders. Attacking protestors is wrong, it doesn't matter if you call them something else like criminals or rioters, it does not make it true. This movement is in 85 countries world wide.

As we continued to march, the police presence increased and there was a scuffle in the intersection between protesters that wanted to march by the jail, and police who had been told to stand in their way.

We made our way up and down blocks and came back to the plaza.

Do you notice who is ready for the tear gas? At this point, someone "in charge" got on a loudspeaker and told us that they were declaring us unlawful and they would begin using tear gas and arresting us in 5 minutes. They repeated some penal code that defined us as rioters. At first we sat down, but then we decided that we would march. There was no point making it violent, we were protesting, not rioting and we wanted our protest to be heard and seen. Why make it easy for these guys?

Five minutes later, the police shot tear gas into the oncoming back of the march all of whom had not heard the previous warnings yet.

This woman in the wheelchair was behind us about a block when they shot tear gas at her. Another person passed out and when others tried to help more canisters were shot in their direction. You can see them on the ground behind the two figures on the left side of the picture.

The people below, are carrying out Scott Olsen, a Marine veteran who was there with us, standing in front of the officers asking them to be peaceful and stop the violence against others.

Scott Olsen was taken to the Hospital in critical condition, with a skull fracture. He is currently in stable condition, but his attack has taken on a deeper symbolism to this movement. It has shown others everywhere, that America is not what she should be, and no where near what she can be yet.
This movement is not stopping. I am not stopping. I know, along with the millions of others in the streets being seen, and the millions who don't feel it is safe to join us yet, we are changing this world we live in.
It won't be easy, and it is going to take some time, but it won't be the same tomorrow as it was last week. The tide has turned and the tipping point is now. I hope we can all survive the ride.
 There will be much more to add to this conversation. And many more pictures, hopefully no more blood.