Monday, May 21, 2012

She gets down sometimes

I'm not sure what it is lately, a combination of I don't feel like it, and why can't I just get anything done? I have struggled with anxiety and depression for a really long time, and some days I just can't seem to get past my self. There is never anything physically standing in my way. There isn't alway pain or discomfort, just this feeling in my chest and my gut, making me choke up if I try to look at what is going on. I'm tired of running through my life scared. I feel completely crippled and helpless to even address my own needs at times. I can't even always tell why. I'm scared of numerous things and I desperately want to leave them behind and avoid them, but they are ever present and that behavior won't help anyway. I feel like even though I've come this far, there's this lump of things tied together and I can't seem to untangle it and straighten it out. 
The biggest issue is my finances. It seems complicated to me. Not because I don't understand finances, but because I understand just enough to know that I am in a situation that is completely beyond me, that I have no idea of how to address. I spent the first two decades in a job and lifestyle that I didn't need a degree for. I gained valuable and applicable experience. When I moved to California from Ohio, I tried to stay in that career, but I didn't have the right paperwork so that I could do the same work here. It's not that I suddenly forgot any of the skills that I have learned, just that there aren't the right papers for them to put in their files saying that I can do it. Without a job, the money and time required to get all those things in order is non-existent. 
I decided to go back to school, but barely 10% of the credits I have received in other educational institutions would transfer toward a degree, and I was forced to sit in classes that were redundant to me and held no educational value whatsoever. Many times the classes I was forced to endure were taught by people with no motivation to keep up with current information or events and disseminated loads of inaccurate information to students lacking the discernment to know otherwise.  On top of the educational inadequacy, there are serious administrative issues in most schools that I have attended. Maybe that means that I have bad taste for choosing my course of education. I don't know, but if I have this much trouble getting where I want to go, it makes me ask the question; Does anyone else suffer this way? I have student loans that are now around 85Gs. That's too much. Too much to not earn a degree and too much to risk getting a degree that is useless when I graduate. I can't even imagine what I have to do at this point to make those loans a good investment. 
In addition to the school thing, I have come to realize that I have had enough of the grind of regular unemployment. The way I see it, it doesn't work for me. I have had over 20 years at this point of working for somebody so that I can just get by. I have worn my body and my heart out, and now, I just want something that I can be fulfilled by. Something that shows the good in the world and something that can pay the bills too. 
I put in my time. I've cleaned up innumerable messes with any combination of human fluids you can imagine. I've watched more human agony and pain than the majority of people have in a lifetime. I've brought life onto this planet, and I have been there so many times when lives ended. 
I feel like I have paid my dues, but at the end of the day all I am left with is a broken heart, humbled spirit and without enough money to know that I am going to be able to eat through the next few months. I know I'm not alone. 
I look around my neighborhood and I see people worse off. The turnover for housing here is monthly. Nobody can settle in and stay. They have to keep moving just to keep a roof over their heads. It's unsettling, especially knowing that there were good times, but the people that are here now, won't see them again for a very long time. Not the way things stand right now. 
People all over are feeling hopeless and powerless just like me, and we'd all fight our way out of these paper bags, but they're the only protection some of us have from the rain of pepper spray and rubber bullets. 
I don't know what to do. I don't know how to change the way I feel. I watch all the contention and fear in my fellow humans and realize, they don't know what to do either. 

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Flexi's Medicare and Insurance Rant

I get so tired hearing about cuts to Medicare and how in order to sustain it we have to somehow reform it. There is only one way to fix and sustain Medicare, take it out of the hands of the insurance companies. 
Insurance companies are the trolls under the bridge. They take more for themselves and profit off of denying our aging populations claims. We need to take all the useless bureaucratic jobs created over the last ten years and retrain them to administer and maintain Medicare, it's budget and it's compliance. We need to have clear lines of coverage and no room for huge profit making. 
The working public paid into this system, it is mandated and it should not be handed off to the vultures to meat out to the public. This situation is salvageable and can be managed correctly. I am sick of the bullshit excuses from our politicians who are in the pockets of all the biggest scam artists on earth, insurance companies. 
This leads me into the next gripe I have which is the mandated insurance coverage. The insurance companies stand to gain 45 million more clients with the implementation. Then they get to refuse to provide birth control forcing a population surge that the whole public has to pay them for. 
This merry-go-round of money making has to stop. It is killing us quite literally. While unemployment skyrockets, insurance companies hold billions over their required securities and no entity has the right or will to force maximums on their tax exempt holdings. Every claim is backed by a hedge fund that only garners them millions more in holdings each quarter
The more people become unemployed and enrolled in the govt. health programs, the more the insurance companies make. No matter what happens in our economy an insurance company is making money. Michael Jackson dies before going on tour? Massive insurance claim. Probably through a hedge fund, or it could have been an outright policy, but somebody made money. Heath Ledger, Whitney Houston, any high price entertainer that dies while in the middle of a project, somebody gets a boatload of cash. Makes me want to be small and uninsurable for the rest of my life. 
The solution and alternative to the insurance coverage is to give all people the right to have Health Care Saving Accounts that are not administered by insurance companies, but instead by the IRS. There's more jobs for all those useless government research sector employees who need to be retrained as productive citizens. Clear rules about covered procedures could be as simple as, who you paid for the care and what their covered status is, i.e. I go to JC Penny and I see the eye doc and I buy my glasses, I save my receipt, it is covered. No endless clauses and exceptions, just clear, and tax exempt. Instead we are constantly subjected to someone else's judgement call about whether what we are having done is a.) necessary or b.) covered. 
Since there are no consensus among insurance agencies about what should and shouldn't be covered, and other than a few glaring examples, the government has been at best unwilling to step in and define coverage, the IRS seems to be the logical choice. They would be unable to be influenced in the same way that regulators, politicians, and our world leaders have been by insurance companies. They would also have to give equal Constitutional consideration to all taxpayers. No more of the bullshit of corporate moral fantasy. The only participation corporations would be entitled to in the pursuit of their employees health needs would be the percentage of their monetary contribution. This would also save them from the fines that can now be levied on them by the IRS for non-compliance.
The IRS could also introduce a new tax bracket to allow people to come together in co-operatives to participate in their chosen kind of health care. 
There should be no imposition of titles such as "alternative health care" because all care of the human is personal and all people should be allowed the dignity of choosing the appropriate measure of care for themselves. 
The local communities need to be given back the reign of the care provided in their borders. Corporations that are in a community must be expected to give back to the health care system in the places they inhabit. 
It is no secret in 2013 that these businesses use many times the resources that the individuals in the community do, and the exhaustion of those resources make them unavailable to the people who live and survive there. They must be expected to participate in restoring the imbalance they are responsible for or they must be forced out. Where they will not comply, opens up an opportunity for someone to come in who will. Businesses failing is not new. Bailing them out is. 
Speaking of the bailout, does anybody remember what the company did that caused this whole mess we're in? 

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